I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
