Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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