My balls are so social today.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
