I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
