you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
