whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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