I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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