"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
