her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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