I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
