I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
