I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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