Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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