Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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