is your mom at the bar?
She's JV to your varsity
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
