I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
