you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
