why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
