I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
