Your mouth is God's brothel.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
