My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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