I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
