actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
