You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
