I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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