Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
