I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
