I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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