good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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