and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
