I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
