i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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