it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
