i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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