I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
