'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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