I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wow bdsm is so cute
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
