Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I touched a dick in church today
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
