Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
