How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
