My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
