well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
