Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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