I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
