He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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