small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
