What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
