Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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