I wish I only lived at night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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