Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
